Frequently I hear clients say things like, “well, I can’t even feed myself” or “everyone will think I am crazy if they find out I can’t even feed myself. These statements are always loaded with so much shame and self-loathing. The statement always breaks my heart just a bit. Yes, eating is one of the first tasks we learn to do when we enter the planet, and yes, most people take the process of eating for granted. But… That does not mean it’s a simple concept. At all.

Think about all the variables that go into eating. Am I hungry? But am I really hungry or just bored? What am I going to eat? What am I in the mood for? What do I have access to? Do I want to cook or order something? Do I want something warm or something cold? Do I want to eat while working, or do I want to take a break? Those are just a few of the limitless variables that go into the process of eating that a “normal” eater faces. Add to that an eating disorder screaming at you and a MILLION food and body rules that diet culture is continuously bombarding us with, it’s no wonder that you “can’t even feed yourself”. Having an eating disorder is one of the most torturous thing I’ve ever experienced, and getting better was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s not just feeding yourself. It is learning to find balance in an incredibly imbalanced world. It is about learning to satisfy your needs and desires. It’s about tuning into yourself when the whole world is asking for your attention. It’s about letting go of the things that no longer serve you and breaking free of others’ expectations. It’s about becoming an ally to your body. These aren’t easy tasks for anyone, let alone for someone who has a brain pleading them to do the very opposite.

It’s not just people with eating disorders that relearn ways to nourish themselves! Everyone goes through changes in their relationship with food at times. My fiancé often talks about all the White Castle burgers he ate in college and all the beer he washed them down with. He is still an incredibly astute burger connoisseur, but he’s developed a much more balanced way of eating as he’s gotten older. He never had an eating disorder, but his ability to feed himself has still evolved.

At your most basic core, you know how to feed yourself; you put food in your mouth, you chew, you swallow. You know how to do that; it’s your relationship with food and body that needs some work. You are relearning what it means to feed yourself, and honestly, with the million different diets that are constantly being marketed to us, it’s not just you that’s needing to revamp your relationship with food and body.
So the next time you get down on yourself for not caring for yourself, find some grace for your process. Eating is an incredibly complex thing, and every aspect of our culture is confusing our most basic needs and wants. Take a breath and know that you are doing hard things, and with continued practice and perseverance, you will find your way to learn to nourish and heal your body, mind, and soul.

(graphic: unknown origin)