Having a loved one in a treatment center can be incredibly difficult for both the supports and the person with the eating disorder. Often this can put unanticipated stress on the family and friends worrying about their loved ones’ wellbeing. This blog post will explore these potential issues and concerns and manage some of the more common situations I have encountered working both inside a treatment center and as an outpatient professional.

Within the first two weeks or so of treatment, your loved one will more than likely call you panicked and upset. Treatment is asking them to let go of the very thing that has kept them emotionally afloat, the eating disorder. This realization absolutely should cause an increase in anxiety, fear, and panic. Often clients will want to go home early and plead with their family to help them discharge early. I remember in my own recovery journey losing my mind after a particularly hard meal and begging my parents to come to get me. Calls like this are standard, especially in the first few weeks of treatment. Obviously, you want to make sure your loved one is safe, and I would encourage you to reach out to the facility’s clinical director and get more insight into what they see is going on. Common upsets at the beginning of treatment include; meal plan issues, scheduling issues, and feeling as though group therapy is ineffective.

If you were put into a home with strangers, were told to eat everything on your plate, had to tell your feelings to these strangers, and weren’t allowed to leave, you would probably have some issues with that too! I recommend listening to your loved one and hearing out their frustrations. Validate their emotions and experiences and ask them if you could join a family therapy session to help work out these issues. Often clients will just want to go home and will be frustrated if you aren’t on board with this plan. Let them know that your goal is to help them get well above all else. If that facility isn’t the right fit, you will help them find an alternative, but you want to help them get adjusted and feel more comfortable if possible.

Often time loved ones are terrified by how upset their family member seems in treatment. Unlike depression or anxiety, were getting better feels good, eating disorders feel excruciating to let go of. The eating disorder screams at them that they are gaining too much weight, losing their identity, becoming unloveable, ugly, fat, lazy, or ordinary. Of course, anyone who was feeling that way would be miserable! As the client learns to cope with and challenge these feelings they will start to feel these feelings will become less intense. Making friends in treatment and feeling “a part of” can often be the thing that helps clients cope with these feelings and not feel so alone with them.

These emotions are normal and commonplace. In fact, whenever I see a client not having an emotional reaction to treatment, I am curious why that is and will try to help them get in touch with those emotions. Emotions are a good sign; it means they are starting to feel again! Eating disorders numb us from our real emotions; you can’t think about how you are feeling when you are only thinking about food. If the emotions are starting to flow again, they are getting back in touch with their emotions, which can be incredibly overwhelming. Although it is painful to hear your loved one in distress know that it is necessary for their healing. Listen, validate and offer to be involved in their treatment. Clients are often terrified of their emotions, so having family and friends support them through those feelings will be a powerful experience for them.

Now that you know your loved one is safe, it’s time to take care of you! Supporting someone with an eating disorder is incredibly challenging, so now is the time to process what you’ve been through and see how not only can you help your loved one but offer yourself the time to support you! I suggest reaching out to your loved one’s team to get referrals for someone knowledgeable about eating disorders so they can help you grapple with everything your family member is going through.

Treatment is a challenging road for family members, friends, and of course the clients. The more we can listen and validate their pain, the more comfortable sharing it with us when they return home. If things seem particularly difficult, contact the clinical director and clinical team members to get more information. These difficult conversations in treatment will help you and your loved one learn to navigate challenging situations outside of treatment. Take this time to know your family member is safe and use it to take care of you!